7 Principles of High Performers

Excelling in our career, marriage or parenting is challenging and often associated with a

lot of stress. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Over many years as an entrepreneur and executive coach, I have closely studied the life, work and psychological habits of accomplished leaders and philosophers. Here are 7 principles of high performers that have helped me reduce my stress and accomplish my goals:

1. Spend time doing what you value most

High performers take the time to figure out what is truly important to them and structure their days to align with their core values. Annie Dillard, in her beautiful book The Writing Life, says, “How we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives.” High performers are conscious architects of their time. Without our values, we capitulate to the swirl around us, surrendering to confusion, reservation, doubt and the daily chaos of meetings, kids, money and more. Understanding our core values helps us find our purpose, make thoughtful decisions, pursue the right career and cultivate a more deliberate sense of self.

2. Be Present

How often do we find ourselves surreptitiously shopping on Amazon while on a Zoom call, or fiddling with our phones while at dinner with our family? We often escape from the present by constantly occupying ourselves, often by overplanning the future or obsessing about the past, consistently depriving ourselves of the attention needed to notice the little, but meaningful, things in life. High performers practice being present. It improves their focus and allows them to tune out distractions. Being present boosts our memory, increases clarity, and reduces stress. Being present helps us live with purpose.

3. Recognize your ego

Why do I have to be right? We often find ourselves in situations where a colleague disagrees with us or has a different idea. We often react by arguing our point, sometimes instinctively. Our ego gets hurt. We feel disrespected or invalidated. High performers are able to stop and recognize that their egos are bruised, giving them enough distance to redirect and listen instead with the intent to learn. Our “ego” makes us overestimate our own abilities and worth, and underestimates the effort and skill required to achieve our goals. Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman and Kaley Klemp said in their excellent book The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership that: “All drama in leadership and life is caused by the need to be right. Letting go of that need is a radical shift all great leaders make.”

4. Don’t rely on others’ approval

Why do we desire “likes” on our social posts, crave accolades from friends or want our parents to affirm our work? We all want to know that we are on the right path, that we are successful, accepted, smart or cool. Don Miguel Ruiz with Janet Mills write in the Four Commitments: “We have learned to live our lives trying to satisfy other people’s demands. We have learned to live by other people’s points of view because of the fear of not being accepted and of not being good enough for someone else.” High performers realize that it is impossible to live by other people’s standards. The only achievable success is to live by our own inner values. This allows us to satisfy our own demands and develop our own point of view.

5. Busy is a decision

High performers make time for the things that are important to them. Once they have identified their values, they rearrange their calendars to meet their own needs. A few years ago, I followed the advice of high performers like Tim Cook, Stanley McChrystal, Michelle Obama and others to move my “me time” from evening to morning. Instead of spending the evening watching mindless TV and drinking bourbon (I do still like bourbon, just not every evening), I go to bed and get up two hours earlier. This allows me to have the time to get 7 hours of good sleep, meditate and workout. Debbie Millman said it so well: “Busy is a decision… You don’t find the time to do things — you make the time to do things.”

6. Everything worthwhile takes time

High performers know that anything worthwhile is big and takes time. The renowned psychiatrist Gordon Livingston noted in his book To Soon To Old, Too Late Smart that: “Virtually all the happiness-producing processes in our lives take time, usually a long time: learning new things, changing old behaviors, building satisfying relationships, raising children. This is why patience and determination are among life’s primary virtues.” 

7. Creating habits works better than being disciplined

High performers recognize that discipline is hard. Discipline implies having to think about what to do in every moment and summoning the wherewithal to get it done. Take exercise: Most people know it’s good for them, but most can’t get themselves motivated enough to do it. High performers will choose a specific cue, such as running as soon as they get home from work, and a clear reward, such as a beer. Charles Duhigg explains in The Power of Habit: “When a habit emerges, the brain stops fully participating in decision making. It stops working so hard or diverts focus to other tasks. So unless you deliberately fight a habit—unless you find new routines—the pattern will unfold automatically.” Habit creation is the key to doing difficult things. High performers create habits around everything that they know is beneficial for them but hard to maintain.

In trying to learn from high performers, it became clear to me that they all live by a few simple but very impactful principles. Adopting them has helped me reduce stress in my life and given me the space to excel in the areas that matter most to me.

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