Coaching Metta Blog

While I was loving Kade without any expectation of who he would become, I was not doing the same for my oldest child. I was doing what a lot of parents do, especially parents who have achieved some professional success and are still carrying their own unresolved stuff. A lot of my ambition and struggles have been driven by trying to prove my worth to my parents, and, without realizing it, I was passing that same dynamic on to my own kid. Our children don't learn from what we

Most of the leaders I coach describe themselves as driven, strategic, maybe a little intense. But underneath the drive, there's often a vigilance that never turns off, a background calculation running before every decision: what could go wrong here, what am I exposed to. It doesn't feel like fear, it feels like being thorough.

Most of the leaders I work with aren't stuck because they lack strategy. They're stuck because busyness has become the thing that keeps them from noticing what's actually driving their decisions — and it doesn't feel like avoidance. It feels ike responsibility.

For twenty years, I did what most driven leaders do: I worked harder, earned more, rose higher, and assumed I’d eventually arrive at a life that felt right. And by most measures, it worked. I had the career I’d been building toward since my twenties. 

The behaviors that got you here, the control, the drive, the need to be the one with the answers, didn't just become habits. They became how you understand your own value. So when something asks you to let go of them, it doesn't feel inefficient. It feels like a threat to who you are.

I've been noticing something in myself lately, and I wonder if it's true for you too. My days are full. Work, kids, aging parents, and the constant demand for everything that needs attention. I'm rarely alone. And yet, something's missing. I think it might be loneliness. Not the kind where no one's around. The kind where you're surrounded by people but not really with any of them.

That response is cortisol—a hormone designed to help us escape predators. Tens of thousands of years ago, when a sabertooth tiger chased us, cortisol flooded our system, shutting down digestion, immune function, and anything else that wasn't essential for survival. The system was built for threats that resolve in minutes. When cortisol stays elevated for months, it stops protecting us and starts breaking us down.

You have established credibility, effectively led your team, and achieved steady results. However, if you aim to advance further, whether as a CEO, in any executive role, or to gain true enterprise influence, the same strategies that brought you success could now be limiting. Constant execution and the need to be involved in every detail, fueled by a desire to demonstrate your value, might become obstacles to your growth.

In my coaching practice, I work with capable, emotionally intelligent leaders who are often overlooked, not because they lack results, but because they don’t dominate meetings or make everything about themselves. Many of them work for narcissistic bosses, leaders who avoid responsibility, take credit for others’ work, and care more about optics than outcomes. 

I don’t know how this past year was for you, but for many of us, it was unsettling. Tumultuous in ways we didn’t expect. The kind of year that looks at your carefully constructed life and asks us questions on who we are, what we value, and what’s no longer working.  And while that kind of year can leave us feeling disoriented, it can also open up space to reflect, to learn, and to grow in ways we never would have chosen, but apparently have to deal with anyway. 

In midlife, many of us begin to feel a tension between seeking comfort and security—staying with what we know and what feels predictable in our work and lives. Another part of us desires growth and change, not just for novelty but to live and work more in line with who we truly want to be. What seems responsible is often simply what feels safe. The real challenge is recognizing when responsibility shifts from a genuine choice to a way of choosing security over alignment.

We’re living through a moment where the systems many of us relied on, work, institutions, routines, and expectations, feel less stable than they once did. The shift isn’t personal; it’s structural. Technology is accelerating everything, institutions are strained, and the traditional indicators of security no longer apply in the same way. People feel this in their careers, their identities, and the choices they’re being asked to make in midlife.

Gordon Gekko speech from Wall Street At some point in your career or your life, you start asking different questions. Not How do I get ahead? But What am I building? Not How do I lead others? But Am I leading in a way that actually feels like me? This shift rarely happens overnight. It develops gradually, often through fatigue or underlying restlessness: There’s got to be more than this. You might know the feeling. You’ve done the work, built the resume, and earned the respec

Leadership has always involved guiding teams through uncertainty, making tough decisions, choosing priorities, and building on years of experience. Artificial intelligence is transforming how we do this work by changing the pace and tools available. We will always need leaders, but the real question is: which leaders will develop the skills to select the right priorities, understand AI, and leverage it effectively in an AI-driven world?

A few years ago, everything looked right on the surface: a respected title, solid compensation, and a seat at the table where decisions were made. It’s the kind of position I once thought I’d wanted. But instead of feeling fulfilled, I've noticed a feeling of restlessness.. I question whether I’m growing, whether I’m aligned, and if this is it. I’ve started to see that some of my decisions haven’t been fueled by purpose, but by a fear of losing what I’ve worked so hard

My uncle, Axel Scholtz, with his friends Our lives are full of responsibility: partners, kids, aging parents, yet what’s often missing in...

How the identity gap impacts your leadership and what to do about it What if the biggest barrier to your leadership impact isn’t what you...

Couples can drift apart without realizing it, somewhere between careers, kids, and simply trying to keep life moving. My wife and I have...

Office Space — Peter Gibbons Leaning Back in His Cubicle It’s 10:00 pm. The dishes are finally done. Your teenager just yelled at you...

We’re the generation who learned to rewind cassette tapes with a pencil, typed college papers in WordPerfect, and made calls from hallway...