Many people in midlife come to an upsetting realization: our current way of life may no longer work for us. For years, we have built our lives around our careers, leaving everything else—family, friendships, and even our health—behind. At first, this seemed logical: build the career, and the rest will fall into place. But now, with the pressures of demanding jobs, still responsible for our kids while supporting aging parents, we find ourselves stretched thin and realize this is not sustainable.
Take Sarah, for example. At 49, she was a high-powered executive who had spent decades climbing the corporate ladder. Her mornings started at 5 a.m., her evenings ended with late-night emails, and work often consumed weekends. When she came to me, she admitted that she could barely remember her last uninterrupted dinner with her family. She said, “I thought I was doing this for them, but now I wonder if they even know who I am.”
Many people fear that life is a zero-sum game. They believe they must choose between prioritizing life and their careers, as though they are mutually exclusive. But this mindset needs to be fixed. Work is part of life and must support how we want to live—not vice versa. Shifting this perspective can feel daunting, but it’s essential for creating a more balanced, meaningful existence.
Midlife forces us to confront the reality of time
I am 52 years old, and based on the average life expectancy for men, I will live to around 78.67 years old. For me, that means about 26.67 years remaining. I think about my daughter, who lives in Los Angeles, and realize that if I see her only twice a year, I have about 53 more visits. My mother, who is 84 and lives in Germany, may have another decade if we are fortunate. At my current pace of visiting her twice a year, that’s just 20 more times to be with her.
These numbers are sobering. They bring clarity to what matters most and urge me to rethink how I spend my time. The ability to design a life aligned with your values is a gift. You are wasting your privilege if you don’t take advantage of it.
The Courage to Redefine Success
Living intentionally requires courage. It means letting go of the illusions we’ve clung to—that success, defined by titles and achievements, will bring lasting fulfillment. It involves looking inward to discern what truly matters and having the courage to realign our lives around those priorities.
Take Lisa, a 58-year-old entrepreneur who had built a thriving business but came to me feeling unfulfilled. “I’ve achieved everything I set out to, but I still feel empty,” she confessed. Together, we explored what truly mattered to her. It wasn’t the revenue milestones or awards—it was spending time with her grandchildren and mentoring young women in her community. Redefining success helped Lisa design a life that felt rich in meaning rather than just accomplishments.
We need to ask ourselves: What truly matters now? What kind of life do we want to create with the time we have left?
The Fear of Change: Why the Pivot Feels So Daunting
Change is daunting. For Mark, a 54-year-old attorney, the thought of stepping back from his practice felt like a loss of identity. “Who am I if I’m not a lawyer?” he asked. This fear is common among my clients because many define themselves by their actions. However, as we worked together, Mark realized that his career had given him skills and insights he could apply in new ways. Today, he spends part of his time consulting; the rest is hiking with his wife and mentoring young lawyers.
Letting go of old patterns and identities takes work. We fear the unknown. We worry:
"Who am I without my career?"
"What if I regret stepping back?"
"What if I don’t find fulfillment outside of work?"
These fears stem from clinging to what feels familiar, even if it no longer serves us. However, the path forward becomes more apparent when we focus on what we stand to gain: more profound relationships, meaningful experiences, and alignment with our values.
Designing a Life-First Approach: Creating a Life on Your Own Terms
Clients like Sarah, Lisa, and Mark all learned to embrace the idea that life and work are not mutually exclusive. By shifting their focus from achievement to meaning, they discovered how to create lives aligned with their values:
Accepting the Shift from Achievement to Meaning
For Sarah, this meant stepping back from her leadership role to prioritize her children. Now, instead of leading quarterly earnings calls, she leads family game nights, building memories she once thought she’d have time for later.
Prioritizing Connection and Legacy
Mark started making monthly trips to see his father, realizing he didn’t want to spend the next decade regretting missed opportunities.
Balancing Adventure with Reflection
Lisa carved out time for both mentoring and travel, fulfilling her desire to give back and explore the world.
How to Begin Making the Shift
Get Over the Fear by Embracing What You Can Gain: Mark learned to see his time away from the office not as a loss but as an opportunity to deepen his relationships.
Reflect on What Matters Most: Lisa journaled daily to uncover her true priorities, asking herself, “What would make me proud when I look back on my life?”
Redefine Your Vision of Success: Sarah redefined success as being present for her family rather than excelling at work.
Protect Your Time with Intention: Lisa set boundaries to ensure her weekends were for her family.
Embracing the Second Half with Purpose
When we let go of the illusions of perpetual achievement and ask what truly matters, we unlock the freedom to live with intention. Whether Sarah prioritizes her family, Mark cherishes time with his father and hikes with his wife, Lisa mentors young women, or each of these stories reminds us that it’s never too late to realign our lives.
Midlife invites us to step back, reflect, and make choices that honor our values. By asking, “How can I design my career to fit the life I want?” we open the door to a life rich in meaning, connection, and joy.
#MidlifeRemix #RedefiningSuccess #WorkLifeBalance #IntentionalLiving #PersonalGrowth #MidlifeCrisis #MindfulLiving #CareerPivot
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