It's My Turn: Why High Performers Keep Getting Passed Over

Understanding the Hidden Challenges

“I didn’t even realize that I wanted this promotion until someone else got it.”

This sentiment often arises in conversations with Brittanni Hendricks on Midlife Remix. She frequently hears it from high performers. I find myself returning to this idea because it encapsulates the experience of many executives I coach. They manage their desires for so long that when those feelings finally surface, someone else has already claimed the role they secretly wanted.

The Pattern of Overlooked Talent

This situation is part of a larger pattern. Many high achievers hit their targets and shoulder more responsibilities than their teams realize. Yet, they remain in their current positions while their peers receive promotions. When they seek feedback, it often comes back vague—something about needing to be more strategic or more visible. The truth is, what their managers are responding to usually has little to do with their actual performance.

Brittanni, in her twenties, straightened her curly hair and dyed it blonde to fit into the corporate world. She shared that this not only damaged her hair but also harmed her spirit. My background is diverse; my father was Japanese, my mother is German, and I’m married to a Black woman. Our children are biracial, so I understand the complexities of navigating differences. Many executives have learned that being valued often means conforming to a specific, acceptable image.

The Cost of Code-Switching

Over time, it becomes increasingly difficult for others to recognize you as the leader you truly are. This is because you expend so much energy managing your outward appearance. Those making decisions about your career may not fully understand their reactions. Years of strong execution can accumulate without translating into the next role. Research on code-switching indicates that the costs compound. The attention spent monitoring for signs of not belonging detracts from the executive function necessary for advancement.

Brittanni helps her clients move from clarity into courage. This aligns with my belief that identity precedes strategy. You don’t overcome the fear of being exposed with sheer willpower. Instead, you examine the belief that who you are is either too much or not enough. Try expressing a more authentic thought in a meeting and notice that the ceiling doesn’t collapse.

Embracing Authenticity

The journey to authenticity is not easy, but it is essential. It requires vulnerability and a willingness to be seen as you truly are. When you embrace your unique identity, you create a space for others to do the same. This is where true leadership begins.

In my experience, the most effective leaders are those who are comfortable in their own skin. They don’t just fit into a mold; they break it. They inspire others by being genuine and relatable. This authenticity fosters trust and encourages collaboration.

The Importance of Visibility

Visibility is crucial in leadership. It’s not just about being seen; it’s about being understood. When you communicate openly and authentically, you invite others to engage with you on a deeper level. This connection can lead to new opportunities and collaborations that might not have been possible otherwise.

Remember, your voice matters. Don’t shy away from sharing your ideas and insights. They are valuable and can contribute significantly to your organization’s success.

The Role of Mentorship

Mentorship plays a vital role in navigating these challenges. Having someone who understands your journey can provide invaluable support. A mentor can help you identify your strengths, navigate office politics, and advocate for your advancement.

Seek out mentors who resonate with your values and experiences. They can offer guidance and encouragement as you work towards your goals.

Taking Bold Steps Forward

As you reflect on your career, consider what bold steps you can take. What changes can you make to align your actions with your true self? It may involve seeking new opportunities, advocating for yourself, or even redefining your leadership style.

The journey may be daunting, but remember that you are not alone. Many have walked this path and emerged stronger. Embrace the challenges as opportunities for growth.

Conclusion: Your Time is Now

Listen to the full conversation with Brittanni on Midlife Remix. She discusses adult ADHD diagnosis and the fear of success in those who remember the cost of their journey. You can find it on Spotify, Apple, YouTube, and the Coaching Metta Substack.

Your time is now. Embrace your journey, and don’t let the fear of being overlooked hold you back. You have the power to shape your future.