The Loneliness You're Too Busy to Notice
- StevenMiyao
- Mar 24
- 2 min read
When is the last time someone asked you how you're really doing, and you gave them an honest answer?
Most of the senior leaders I work with can't remember. Their calendars are full, teams are delivering, and there is always another decision to make, but they've lost connection with others and themselves without realizing it, as busyness masks their feelings.
This matters for leadership.
When you're disconnected from yourself, you lose access to the things that actually make you effective. You stop picking up on what your team isn't saying. You default to control because vulnerability feels like a risk you can't afford. You make decisions from exhaustion.
And over time, the people around you feel it, not as incompetence, but as distance. They stop bringing you the real problems. They stop telling you what they actually think.
In the latest episode of the Midlife Remix, I talked with Molly Carroll, MA, LPC, a therapist, author, podcast host, and TED Talk speaker.
She told me about speaking at a software engineering company, in a room of about 45 people, mostly men, with an ex-military CEO. Midway, she approached the CEO and told him to share something personal. He resisted, but she insisted.
When he stood up and said he loses sleep thinking about his team’s families, their kids, their daughters starting college, their mortgages, the room changed. Because he was willing to be human. That’s the kind of leadership people follow.
Molly's addiction was busyness, not substance abuse. She used it to cover grief with more work and engagements until her body forced her to stop, collapsing on her kitchen floor for hours before her kids' needs pulled her up.
I lived a version of this, running global teams and confusing physical presence with emotional availability. The cost appeared in my marriage, parenting, and health before I understood.
The research is clear: chronic stress and loneliness carry greater health risks than smoking or obesity. But for high performers, it hides behind full calendars and packed agendas, and the cost isn't just personal; it erodes the very presence and connection that leadership demands.
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